Monday, June 30, 2008
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
At the end of miles
Okay, so sometimes I really fucking hate my job. No, I'm getting ahead of myself. My job's not too bad. I'm sure there's much, much, much more miserable shit out there. And, honestly, there are times when I genuinely enjoy my job. But I hate the company/corporation which employs me. Some of the other managers in the district are such fucking jerk offs who take themselves way too seriously. Dude, you're the manager of a fucking drug store. Get over it!!! I hate how I can get sent out to another store at the district manager's whim and get bossed around by some fellow manager who thinks he knows more than me b/c he's been a manager of a drug store for 10 years. Shit stresses me out.
Another thing that pisses me off is the number of rednecks in this goddamn state. Everywhere you turn there's some dumb hillbilly trying to: a)bullshit with you, b)be yr buddy, or c)talk some racist/sexist/homophobic/xeniaphobic jive-ass bullshit. WHERE IS THE CULTURE??????
Another thing that pisses me off is the number of rednecks in this goddamn state. Everywhere you turn there's some dumb hillbilly trying to: a)bullshit with you, b)be yr buddy, or c)talk some racist/sexist/homophobic/xeniaphobic jive-ass bullshit. WHERE IS THE CULTURE??????
Friday, May 30, 2008
I was born with svn fngrs and svn toes
Black Francis is a bad motherfucker. I finally got the Svn Fngrs E.P. Jesus, I love that guy. Bluefinger is great, too. Dude can't do anything wrong (okay so Fastman Rainderman wasn't the greatest).
Here are some other thoughts I've had over the last few months:
1. If you're there God, you'll let the Horse tour this summer.
So, I'm watching some youtube footage of Neil and the Horse live in 2001, and I'm just thinking how goddamn lucky I am to have seen them twice. What a phenomenal band. One of the very few, truly great rock & roll bands to ever have emerged from the North American continent.
2. Suppositions on not seeing The Meat Puppets.
At 10 A.M. on the first morning after I was vaguely supposed to see The Meat Puppets in concert, I was lying in bed trying to decide if I should to vomit. Granted, these sensations would be experienced - perhaps more acutely - even if I had seen the Puppets the previous evening, but it's even harder to swallow given the plight of the previous evening. It started when I got a call from my buddy, Adrian, while I was on my lunchbreak. "Did you know The Meat Puppets are in Louisville tonight?" he asked. I did not.
3. Things I Never Want To Do
1. Get high and ride in a helicopter. That would be terrifying.
2. Play "Find the Purple Pickle" with Uncle Tim "the Dim." At least not again.
4. Suppositions on eating disorders
So, I know this fucking crazy girl who claims she's been battling anorexia her whole life. This would be a lot easier to believe if she wasn't roughly 100 lbs overweight. This same girl also believe every man over the age of 30 who talks to her is sexually harassing her. People are fucking weird.
Here are some other thoughts I've had over the last few months:
1. If you're there God, you'll let the Horse tour this summer.
So, I'm watching some youtube footage of Neil and the Horse live in 2001, and I'm just thinking how goddamn lucky I am to have seen them twice. What a phenomenal band. One of the very few, truly great rock & roll bands to ever have emerged from the North American continent.
2. Suppositions on not seeing The Meat Puppets.
At 10 A.M. on the first morning after I was vaguely supposed to see The Meat Puppets in concert, I was lying in bed trying to decide if I should to vomit. Granted, these sensations would be experienced - perhaps more acutely - even if I had seen the Puppets the previous evening, but it's even harder to swallow given the plight of the previous evening. It started when I got a call from my buddy, Adrian, while I was on my lunchbreak. "Did you know The Meat Puppets are in Louisville tonight?" he asked. I did not.
3. Things I Never Want To Do
1. Get high and ride in a helicopter. That would be terrifying.
2. Play "Find the Purple Pickle" with Uncle Tim "the Dim." At least not again.
4. Suppositions on eating disorders
So, I know this fucking crazy girl who claims she's been battling anorexia her whole life. This would be a lot easier to believe if she wasn't roughly 100 lbs overweight. This same girl also believe every man over the age of 30 who talks to her is sexually harassing her. People are fucking weird.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Let's talk good ole rock & roll
RS just dropped a new list about the 100 greatest guitar songs. RS is mostly a joke and a half, but they still manage to keep me entertained...which is the important thing. I'd like to discuss this list if I may.
1. Johnny B. Goode by Chuck Berry-For some reason they've been playing Oldies out the ass on the muzak at work lately which is kind of a good thing, kind of a bad thing. It's a good thing b/c Chuck was the fucking man. There's a quote by John Lennon that goes something along the lines of, "If rock & roll went by any other name, it would be Chuck Berry." It's kind of a bad thing b/c The Big Bopper makes me want to kill myself. Of everyone who died in that plane crash, The Big Bopper was the only one who deserved it. "Chantilly Lace" is one of the most godawful songs ever committed to wax. Fuck, I hate that shit. But Chuck is the man. I really can't get tired of hearing his songs.
2. Purple Haze by the Experience-Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jimi Henrix, I get it. I hate it, but I get it.
3. Crossroads by Cream-Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eric Clapton, I get it. I hate it, but I get it. Actually, as intolerable as Clapton is, the shit he did with the Bluesbreakers is pretty fucking money, and I'll cop to enjoying a few of the tunes he did with the Dominoes (chief amongst them being "I Looked Away").
4. You Really Got Me by The Kinks-This tune is only about a billion times better than Purple Haze and Crossroads combined. Without this little piece of electric noise, rock & roll is a much, much, much more boring place. God bless you, Dave Davies. I will never tire of hearing that fucking solo. Never. If I could have sex with one guitar solo, I'm 99% sure it would be this one. Brilliance. Perfection. There aren't enough adjectives to describe how much cream this song puts in my jeans.
5. Brown Sugar by the Stones-I dunno if this is the best guitar jam the Stones ever dropped, but it's damn good and I'm not gonna argue.
6. Eruption by VH-Have a little class, RS. Nobody but snaggletoothed, imbreds from the South give a flying fuck about this pompous, overblown excuse for a rock band. Fuck this shit.
7. While My Guitar Gently Weeps by the Fabs-I guess so. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love this song, but is it really the 7th best guitar jam of all time. I doubt it's even the best in the Fabs' illustrious canon. Try a little Helter Skelter on for size, or, shit, hows bout Taxman? Paul's solo on that one is DISGUSTING!!!
8. Stairway to Heaven by Zep-I'm sorry, is this a list of the best guitar jams of all time or songs to close prom with? Come on, Jimmy brought the thunder like a hundred times harder on like a dozen other songs.
9. Statesboro Blues by the Allmans-I'm not gonna lie, I've never even heard this song. Or, if I have, I don't know it. But - fact is - Duane Allman was the fucking man. Not gonna argue.
10. Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana-Jesus Christ, RS, what the fuck is this shit? It's four chords and a shitty solo that apes the melody. I could do that shit in my sleep. Jesus. Hows about a little Teenage Riot, for fuck's sake?
11. Whole Lotta Love by Zep-I mean, I guess, but Jimmy wasn't the god you think he is.
12. Voodoo Child (Slight Return) by the Experience-Yeah, this is definitely a jam. It might even be the jam.
13. Layla by the Dominoes-Fine, but only cuz Duane's rockin alongside Clapton.
14. Born to Run by the Boss-No thank you. I like the Boss well enough, but this shit is overdone and definitely not the 14th best guitar jam of all time. This shit is all saxaphone anyways. Or at least it is to my ears. Fuck saxaphones! That's what I say. Long live the electric guitar!
15. My Generation by The Who-Pete brought it even harder on some of the other early cuts, but this'll do and, hell, it's got a hell of a bass solo. Oh, wait, 100 best guitar jams - whatever, it's RS, whatreyagonnado?
16. Cowgirl in the Sand by Neil and the Horse-Yes, yes, yes!!!! My only complaint is that this isn't higher on the list.
17. Black Sabbath by Black Sabbath-I fucking hate Black Sabbath.
18. Blitzkrieg Bop by the Bruddahs-Amen. Amen.
19. Purple Rain by the Purple One-This really isn't much of a guitar jam. Great song, though.
20. People Get Ready by The Impressions-Haven't heard this cut, but Motown never really known for their guitar jams now were they?
21. Seven Nation Army by The Stripes-Groan. Fuck it, I can't keep writing about this shit. Where the fuck is "Teenage Riot"? This is angering me!!! The White Stripes, really? Really? Jesus Christ.
1. Johnny B. Goode by Chuck Berry-For some reason they've been playing Oldies out the ass on the muzak at work lately which is kind of a good thing, kind of a bad thing. It's a good thing b/c Chuck was the fucking man. There's a quote by John Lennon that goes something along the lines of, "If rock & roll went by any other name, it would be Chuck Berry." It's kind of a bad thing b/c The Big Bopper makes me want to kill myself. Of everyone who died in that plane crash, The Big Bopper was the only one who deserved it. "Chantilly Lace" is one of the most godawful songs ever committed to wax. Fuck, I hate that shit. But Chuck is the man. I really can't get tired of hearing his songs.
2. Purple Haze by the Experience-Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jimi Henrix, I get it. I hate it, but I get it.
3. Crossroads by Cream-Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eric Clapton, I get it. I hate it, but I get it. Actually, as intolerable as Clapton is, the shit he did with the Bluesbreakers is pretty fucking money, and I'll cop to enjoying a few of the tunes he did with the Dominoes (chief amongst them being "I Looked Away").
4. You Really Got Me by The Kinks-This tune is only about a billion times better than Purple Haze and Crossroads combined. Without this little piece of electric noise, rock & roll is a much, much, much more boring place. God bless you, Dave Davies. I will never tire of hearing that fucking solo. Never. If I could have sex with one guitar solo, I'm 99% sure it would be this one. Brilliance. Perfection. There aren't enough adjectives to describe how much cream this song puts in my jeans.
5. Brown Sugar by the Stones-I dunno if this is the best guitar jam the Stones ever dropped, but it's damn good and I'm not gonna argue.
6. Eruption by VH-Have a little class, RS. Nobody but snaggletoothed, imbreds from the South give a flying fuck about this pompous, overblown excuse for a rock band. Fuck this shit.
7. While My Guitar Gently Weeps by the Fabs-I guess so. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love this song, but is it really the 7th best guitar jam of all time. I doubt it's even the best in the Fabs' illustrious canon. Try a little Helter Skelter on for size, or, shit, hows bout Taxman? Paul's solo on that one is DISGUSTING!!!
8. Stairway to Heaven by Zep-I'm sorry, is this a list of the best guitar jams of all time or songs to close prom with? Come on, Jimmy brought the thunder like a hundred times harder on like a dozen other songs.
9. Statesboro Blues by the Allmans-I'm not gonna lie, I've never even heard this song. Or, if I have, I don't know it. But - fact is - Duane Allman was the fucking man. Not gonna argue.
10. Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana-Jesus Christ, RS, what the fuck is this shit? It's four chords and a shitty solo that apes the melody. I could do that shit in my sleep. Jesus. Hows about a little Teenage Riot, for fuck's sake?
11. Whole Lotta Love by Zep-I mean, I guess, but Jimmy wasn't the god you think he is.
12. Voodoo Child (Slight Return) by the Experience-Yeah, this is definitely a jam. It might even be the jam.
13. Layla by the Dominoes-Fine, but only cuz Duane's rockin alongside Clapton.
14. Born to Run by the Boss-No thank you. I like the Boss well enough, but this shit is overdone and definitely not the 14th best guitar jam of all time. This shit is all saxaphone anyways. Or at least it is to my ears. Fuck saxaphones! That's what I say. Long live the electric guitar!
15. My Generation by The Who-Pete brought it even harder on some of the other early cuts, but this'll do and, hell, it's got a hell of a bass solo. Oh, wait, 100 best guitar jams - whatever, it's RS, whatreyagonnado?
16. Cowgirl in the Sand by Neil and the Horse-Yes, yes, yes!!!! My only complaint is that this isn't higher on the list.
17. Black Sabbath by Black Sabbath-I fucking hate Black Sabbath.
18. Blitzkrieg Bop by the Bruddahs-Amen. Amen.
19. Purple Rain by the Purple One-This really isn't much of a guitar jam. Great song, though.
20. People Get Ready by The Impressions-Haven't heard this cut, but Motown never really known for their guitar jams now were they?
21. Seven Nation Army by The Stripes-Groan. Fuck it, I can't keep writing about this shit. Where the fuck is "Teenage Riot"? This is angering me!!! The White Stripes, really? Really? Jesus Christ.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
The Steve Irwin Memorial Zoo - coming soon to an interstate near you
It's kind of a bummer, but it looks like my cat is probably dying. The fucked up thing is it's gonna be really expensive to find out if he really is or not and we're not sure we can really afford it right now. It doesn't look good for the ole fella, though. Looks like he's got some sort of tumor in his head. I've had this dude since I was 12, so it's a definite bummer. On the bright side, I'm looking for a kitten, b/c I've decided when I move (which will hopefully be soon), I want a cat of my own. Apparently the vet has a little kitten up for adoption for $80, which I might go check out tomorrow. I've also started to wonder if it's weird that I'm looking into getting a cat. Like, only crazy people are cat owners, right? But, whatevs, I'm also the dude with painted nails (only the index, middle, and ring on my right for guitar/finger-pickin purposes), crazy fucked up hair, and a boss who has been dropping oh so subtle hints that I need to improve my wardrobe. So, I say, when yr a mess, anyways, just roll with it. Getting a fucking kitten. They're adorable!!!
In other news, okay, so who's gonna kill Ryan Seacrest? God, I fucking hate that dude. How can one man be so jackass?
Anyways, that's all I've got for now. I really am trying to blog more, but I don't want to sound like too much of a sad bastard and normally everything I can think to talk about is sad bastard stuff. Bleh, fuck y'all!
In other news, okay, so who's gonna kill Ryan Seacrest? God, I fucking hate that dude. How can one man be so jackass?
Anyways, that's all I've got for now. I really am trying to blog more, but I don't want to sound like too much of a sad bastard and normally everything I can think to talk about is sad bastard stuff. Bleh, fuck y'all!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
I'll take a nice warm plate of suck n fuck
Jesus, it's been a while hasn't it? I've been thinking about getting back into blogging for a while now (mostly b/c I have no life), but haven't been able to find the inspiration. Then, bam, yesterday I had a severe allergic reaction to this drug I'm on, I did not sleep one wink last night b/c I was too busy writhing around in the most excrutiating pain I've ever experienced, and at 6 this morning I got a hold of my doctor who, thankfully, was on call and he prescribes me to Loretab (and Prednisone). Problem solved!!! I don't know why prescription pain killers are so inspirational, but I find it's better not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Even if it is just the corpse of Kentucky Derby runner up Eight Belles, which was accidentally shipped to my house instead of the University of Kentucky Horse Autopsy Center. See, that's the kind of tasteless joke I've been struggling to come up with for months and months. Thank you, Loretab!!!
What's going on in everyone's lives? Depression? Anxiety? Feelings of isolation? Feelings of inferiority? Feelings of confusion regarding one's identity? Financial insecurity? Feeling like yr not getting laid nearly enough? Welcome to quarterlife, bitches. IT IS AWESOME!!! Everyone I know is severely depressed and/or locked into potentially dangerous drug habits. This is such an exciting time to be alive!!! Especially the drug part, which is exactly why I'm so stoked on this Loretab thing (fingers crossed I get hooked!).
God, I'm so happy to be blogging again...wait, no, that's just the Loretab. Fuck, it's so hard to tell. It's like, am I actually feeling happy about something right now or am I just on drugs? Speaking of drugs, my band, The Yes People, has a couple gigs coming up. If you live in Lexington, which you don't, you live in or around Springfield, Ohio, you should come. Fuck, even if you live in or around Springfield, Ohio you should come. It's gonna be sweet. Probably even sweeter than that time I slipped a bunch of steroids into Eight Belles food before the Kentucky Derby and she ended up breaking both her ankles and being euthanized on the track in front of thousands and thousands of worthless fucking blue bloods and rednecks. Oh god, did I not mention that I've come to loathe the whole horse racing industry? God, I hate that shit. And not even b/c of the whole Eight Belles thing. I could give two fucks about that. I just hate it in general; although, I specifically hate Keeneland traffic. That's where a big part of my hatred comes from. Another part of it comes from putting up with assholes who are all dolled for Keeneland. Those fucks are the most annoying fucks in the state. Oh, I just thought of something. Ya know what's fun? Getting dumb fucks fired. That is so fun!!! It's like, oh, sorry I got you fired - oh, wait, I'm not sorry, b/c yr fucking worthless and I hate looking at you and yr dumb fucking Confederate Flag purse you fucking racist piece of dog shit. Do you guys think I have an anger problem?
Okay, so I'll do this more often...at least til I run out of Loretab. Did I just say "run out of Loretab?" What the fuck was I thinking? This is Kentucky, after all, prescription pain killer central. I could get like 100 more tabs by noon tomorrow. Hell, I could get 100 more tabs, 10 OC, and a fat sack of grass by 2 PM tomorrow. This is Kentucky, after all, marijuana central. Okay, now that I've painted such a fair portrait of my fair state, I'll bid you all fair morrow. Til next time...
What's going on in everyone's lives? Depression? Anxiety? Feelings of isolation? Feelings of inferiority? Feelings of confusion regarding one's identity? Financial insecurity? Feeling like yr not getting laid nearly enough? Welcome to quarterlife, bitches. IT IS AWESOME!!! Everyone I know is severely depressed and/or locked into potentially dangerous drug habits. This is such an exciting time to be alive!!! Especially the drug part, which is exactly why I'm so stoked on this Loretab thing (fingers crossed I get hooked!).
God, I'm so happy to be blogging again...wait, no, that's just the Loretab. Fuck, it's so hard to tell. It's like, am I actually feeling happy about something right now or am I just on drugs? Speaking of drugs, my band, The Yes People, has a couple gigs coming up. If you live in Lexington, which you don't, you live in or around Springfield, Ohio, you should come. Fuck, even if you live in or around Springfield, Ohio you should come. It's gonna be sweet. Probably even sweeter than that time I slipped a bunch of steroids into Eight Belles food before the Kentucky Derby and she ended up breaking both her ankles and being euthanized on the track in front of thousands and thousands of worthless fucking blue bloods and rednecks. Oh god, did I not mention that I've come to loathe the whole horse racing industry? God, I hate that shit. And not even b/c of the whole Eight Belles thing. I could give two fucks about that. I just hate it in general; although, I specifically hate Keeneland traffic. That's where a big part of my hatred comes from. Another part of it comes from putting up with assholes who are all dolled for Keeneland. Those fucks are the most annoying fucks in the state. Oh, I just thought of something. Ya know what's fun? Getting dumb fucks fired. That is so fun!!! It's like, oh, sorry I got you fired - oh, wait, I'm not sorry, b/c yr fucking worthless and I hate looking at you and yr dumb fucking Confederate Flag purse you fucking racist piece of dog shit. Do you guys think I have an anger problem?
Okay, so I'll do this more often...at least til I run out of Loretab. Did I just say "run out of Loretab?" What the fuck was I thinking? This is Kentucky, after all, prescription pain killer central. I could get like 100 more tabs by noon tomorrow. Hell, I could get 100 more tabs, 10 OC, and a fat sack of grass by 2 PM tomorrow. This is Kentucky, after all, marijuana central. Okay, now that I've painted such a fair portrait of my fair state, I'll bid you all fair morrow. Til next time...
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